Minion and Despicable Me Rant!!!

Oh boy, buckle up because we’re going deep into Illumination’s golden cash cow—the Despicable Me franchise and its army of overalls-wearing, gibberish-speaking, banana-loving chaos gremlins: the Minions. There are five movies (and counting) in this saga, and while they’ve undeniably left a mark on pop culture, they’ve also created a vortex of madness that I both love and despise.

Despicable Me (2010)

Director: Pierre Coffin, Chris Renaud

This was the one that started it all. Back in 2010, when Illumination wasn’t just a meme factory, they put out a genuinely fun and heartwarming story about Gru, a supervillain with a soft side who ends up adopting three orphan girls (Margo, Edith, and Agnes) while planning to steal the moon.

What I Like:

• Gru is actually a well-written character. Steve Carell’s voice acting? Fantastic. The Eastern European accent is weirdly charming.

• The story is wholesome without being obnoxious. Gru bonding with the girls feels earned.

• The animation, while basic compared to Pixar, is colorful and expressive.

What Annoys Me:

• This is where the Minions start their reign of terror. At first, they’re fine—quirky, slapstick-loving little helpers. But this is just the beginning of Illumination shoving them down our throats.

• Vector, the villain. He’s funny but also insufferable. The orange tracksuit and bowl cut combo is peak dweeb energy, and yet he somehow manages to be more annoying than threatening.

Rating: 8.2/10. Solid start. Still fun to watch.

Despicable Me 2 (2013)

Director: Pierre Coffin, Chris Renaud

Gru is now a dad full-time and a villain part-time, and the movie shifts to focus on him falling for Lucy, a goofy, hyperactive secret agent. Meanwhile, the Minions get kidnapped and turned into purple rage monsters.

What I Like:

• Lucy is a great addition. Kristen Wiig makes her fun and weird in an endearing way.

• Gru as a dad? Adorable. The scene where he gets overprotective of Margo’s love life is peak dad energy.

• The Minion transformation sequence is cool.

What Annoys Me:

• The villain, El Macho. Forgettable. He turns into a mutant luchador at the end, and it still doesn’t make him interesting.

• The Minions are becoming the studio’s golden boys, and you can feel it. There’s a lot more Minion screen time here, and it’s the start of their takeover.

• The humor is much more slapstick-heavy and childish compared to the first.

Rating: 6.9/10. Losing steam, but Gru’s family arc keeps it watchable.

Minions (2015)

Director: Pierre Coffin, Kyle Balda

This is where we truly lost control of the franchise. A prequel dedicated exclusively to the Minions and their quest to find an evil boss? The horror.

What I Like:

• The 1960s setting is actually really cool.

• Scarlet Overkill (Sandra Bullock) is a fun villain—until she isn’t.

• The animation is vibrant, and the Beatles references? Nice touch.

What Annoys Me:

• MINIONS. JUST MINIONS. No Gru to balance things out. Just an hour and a half of their nonsensical gibberish. It’s like a fever dream.

• The plot is paper-thin. “Let’s find a bad guy to follow” turns into “Let’s steal the crown for no reason.”

• Scarlet Overkill is wasted. They set her up as this awesome, glamorous supervillain, and then she just… disappears.

Rating: 4/10. It made a billion dollars. We, as a society, are to blame.

Despicable Me 3 (2017)

Director: Pierre Coffin, Kyle Balda, Eric Guillon

Oh, boy. This one was a mess. Gru finds out he has a long-lost twin brother, Dru, who is basically him but blonde and annoying. Meanwhile, the villain, Balthazar Bratt, is an 80s-obsessed former child star throwing a tantrum.

What I Like:

• The 80s music and aesthetic. Bratt may be a weird villain, but at least he has a fun theme.

• Some of the Gru and Lucy family moments still work.

• The Minions leave for part of the movie! A brief moment of peace.

What Annoys Me:

• Dru. Just… why? He’s whiny, useless, and has none of Gru’s charm.

• Balthazar Bratt is a joke villain. Not threatening, just annoying. He moonwalks while fighting.

• The Minions’ side plot is random and dumb. They go to prison, start a gang, and then escape. Why? No reason.

Rating: 5.8/10. Feels like Illumination was just making something to sell more toys.

Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022)

Director: Kyle Balda, Brad Ableson, Jonathan del Val

A sequel to the prequel, focusing on young Gru’s rise to villainy. But let’s be real, this is still just another Minions movie in disguise.

What I Like:

• Baby Gru is actually cute and funny. Steve Carell voicing a younger version of himself? Gold.

• The 70s setting is well done, and the soundtrack is fantastic.

• The Kung Fu Minions sequence is bizarrely entertaining.

What Annoys Me:

• Again, the Minions steal the spotlight, even though it’s supposed to be about Gru’s origin story.

• The villains, the Vicious 6, are one-dimensional and forgettable.

• It’s just another excuse for wacky Minion antics. If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.

Rating: 5.2/10. Better than Minions but still feels like filler.